Why People Still Can't Have It All

Three days ago I was using the bathroom, if you know what I mean. And what I mean is, when I was finished pooping (into the toilet), I reached for the toilet paper and found that it wasn't there. I froze, of course. I mean, I stood still for a moment. I looked at the thing that normally holds the toilet paper, and just stared, stricken, at the brown cardboard cylinder, for I had realized the horror, that I could not have everything I would want in life.

Eventually, I did get TP. It took a minute of strange walking. Hmm...I guess that kind of ruins the point of this essay....Anyways....Um....Forget everything you've read so far. The point of this essay is that people, whether they be big or small, rich or tall, intelligent or retarded, cannot have everything they want. And because this is a games website, I want to stress that this goes especially for gamers. Like, for example, when I was a kid, I played way too much Diablo II and StarCraft and Unreal Tournament and Medal of Honor and Homeworld Cataclysm and Red Alert 2 and Age of Empires 2 and Operation Flashpoint and Warcraft III and Wing Commander: Prophecy and StarFox 64 and Ken Griffey Jr's  MLB (N64). I want a time machine whereby I can travel back and advise myself not to play too much of those games and to not play Ken Griffey Jr's MLB (N64). But, although I want a time machine, I just don't have one. You see? I'm saying that I can't have everything I want and therefore neither can you. Not that you can't have what you want just because I can't have what I want. I just mean you can't have everything you want....

Now that you understand what I'm saying, let me give you another example of other real people not getting everything they want.

We had Buddy interview people of his choosing to do this for you:

Mr. Sordofstabin: "Well my wife and I used to have many an adventure in the World of Warcraft."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Yeah we used ta play da game a lot."


Mr. Sordofstabin: "I was an attorney of the office of Big & Boobies."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Yeah he used ta make a lot o' da mahney."


Mr. Sordofstabin: "One day, from my wife, twins were born."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Oh yeah they was beautiful. Wan was a girl, and wan was not."


Mr. Sordofstabin: "Eventually I stopped leaving for the office. It cut too much into my time in the World of Warcraft."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Yeah, I stopped workin' in da haus'."

Mr. Sordofstabin: "We got our adventures in the land of Azeroth to be what we desired: sixteen hours a day."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Oh yeah, da house looked laik a hole, and smelt laik wan, too."


Mr. Sordofstabin: "Then our babies died."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Yeah, we was sad. They had kild demselves. I had ta stop playin' WoW ta dispose of der bodies."


Mr. Sordofstabin: "Well you got what you came for. Can we end this? I had no knowledge they allowed visitors here beyond the time of ten day hours."


Mrs. Sordofstabin: "Yeah. I hate id when dey hit me wid da black sticks."


Uh.

Right.

Buddy found and interviewed those people. Good job, Buddy. What was the point we were?...Oh yes! People can't have everything they want. The Sordofstabins?....Wow. I mean, they wanted to have children and maintain a house and play eighteen hours of World of Warcraft per day and...yeh.