Why You Shouldn't Eat A Gaming Computer

There's a great problem in our country (The United States of America), and it is ruining the lives of many United States of Americans, by killing them. Yes, you know what it is. It's the eating of gaming computers.

Obesity, generally caused by the habitual overeating of less then wholesome foods, has been a problem in our country for years, but now we are on the brink of national destruction via this new trend. The eating of too much people-bloating food was one thing. The eating of large boxes of plastic and metal that in the past couldn't fit into people's mouths is even worse. I mean, it's a gaming computer. It's equal to three American meals in one. And it's getting eaten! Even most nutrition experts agree that it shouldn't be possible. Yet it's happening, and the rate at which it happens increases everyday.

We must all encourage anyone we suspect of an eating problem to NOT eat any gaming computer. Here is some of what you can say to save someone's life:

1) Say, "Do not eat a computer." Even just trying to fit a regular computer into one's mouth is (usually) extremely painful. Plus computers are relatively expensive (five hundred dollars for a low-end gaming PC these days).

2) Inform them that the human body cannot digest computers. The things tend to get stuck in some part of the digestive system (usually the face), and cause many unwanted symptoms, such as facial cramps, choking, problems with sight, cavities, drastic increase in weight, and death.

3) While computers are expensive, food is cheap. Even Walmart sells organic food. Again, make sure the person you're helping understands that computers are expensive and are neither food nor organic.

And that should work. If it doesn't, call 911 and say, "My (friend/relative/fellow American/guest from foreign country) is trying to eat a gaming computer!" Make sure you mention that it's a gaming computer. If they think it's a regular computer, your call will get redirected to the nearest poison control center.