The Challenge of Reviewing Games

The challenge with writing game reviews is: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

I know the writer person in me would say: "Whatever me want say," but the problem with this is that all me really want say are your mom jokes (I always figured these to be my great contributions to our species).

Despite that, there's this conflict between needing to review a game in a game review, and just wanting to entertain readers. I'm going to look at Rockpapershotgun.com right now to see an entertaining review from those very entertaining writers.

Hmm...The beginning of a Rockpapershotgun review of The Darkness II starts with quick description of the game and a lovely joke about how gruesome the game is, ending the italicized paragraph with another lovely joke about wiping a lung from your face and reminding readers that this is a "Wot I think."

The beginning of another review is also italicized and has subtle uses of alliteration. This intro claims that the "Wot I think" is a "Wot I think."

I see a pattern. It is that the writers tell their tellings very.....well. Yeah, "well's" the best I can do. They're just really skilled writers.

OH WAIT! How could I not notice this?! Pacing! The article began with some entertaining thing, such as a joke in the intro or alliteration in the intro. And then, in the 2nd or 3rd paragraph, we get the hook. Interesting, interesting...Also, that Darkness 2 review ends up not being entertaining, yet good.